Divorce

This morning me and my son were cuddled up in my bed. After a very late night, everybody slept in on the Saturday morning.

Last night we had a volleyball activity for the 30's somethings Singles. Tons of people there, free babysitting, great snacks, it was a great time. I had a blast, even though I only hit the ball over the net twice. My kids played with their new friends, watched movies, and later ran around the church building just having fun. My kids are quickly coming to realize that when Mommy says there is a Singles activity it means tons of fun for them.

So my son and I were curled up talking this morning. I asked him about his favorite parts of last night, and he talked about running with his new friends. I mentioned pool party today at so-and-so's Dad's house.

"Are her parents divorced?" He asked me, half hidden in the blankets.

"Yes, all the kids there last night have divorced parents."

We talked for a few more minutes and then it dawned on me. When we go to our ward, my children are the only children of a divorced family. Even though they have never said anything about it, they feel odd. One of our books on divorce discusses this fact. And part of the reason my kids love the Singles activities is because they are now just like everybody else.

My kids have found a group to which they belong. Their differences are not an issue with the other kids in the Singles group. What a total blessing to my children. I hadn't realized how much they needed the Singles group. I thought it was just for me, but I'm realizing this wonderful group that I'm now a part of is ministering to my children, too. Ministering in ways I didn't realize they needed. I feel so very blessed.

Music

For the first time in years, I have a piano keyboard.

When I was in elementary school I took piano lessons. It was hard, but I really wanted the music in my life. I seemed to struggle more than other people and I didn't know why. Reading both the bass clef and treble clef was so rough for me. It was like nearly impossible or something!

In 6th grade I switched to clarinet, and suddenly music was easy. There was only one note that I had to play, and the music didn't give me fits. I later learned that I had mild dyslexia. The dyslexia had made it difficult to read music. Still had trouble with the clarinet music, but piano had gotten to be trouble to the power of 4: 4 notes to read! Clarinet was just trouble on one level.

So I quit playing piano. Not that the joy, and desire ever left me. Over the years I've played a few pieces. I have to commit them to memory to be able to play them. I still can't read music and play at the same time. So when I went to Colorado this week-end my friend gave me one of her extra keyboards. Tonight I pulled out the easy version of Pachabella's Cannon and started learning it. I have to relearn my bass clef all over again, but so what. I finally put the keyboard away tonight or else I would have staid up all night memorizing it so I could enjoy myself.

Just no one let the people at church know that I can play or else I'll find myself facing a piano each week. We are short on pianists!

Social

In High School I desperately wanted this life. During my college years I searched for it, but never had it. For once, I finally have the social life I want.

This week-end I fly up to Colorado Springs to participate in some important stuff with a friend there. Labor Day week-end I'm going down to Corpus with a bunch of Singles from the area. And in between I have all sorts of other activities. Game nights, volleyball, dances, and so many other things. Life is busy and I'm in the center of the activities.

I'm invited to all the activities, and I participate. On Monday I did the activity for our Family Home Evening group. We played pictionary, and everyone had a blast.

I just keep thinking, all my life I wanted this sort of life. In High School I had a good group of friends, but we were just learning how to socialize. We didn't know how to include everyone, and make people feel welcome. In my college years, I just wasn't one of the inside people. I was always swimming against the flow to get in the group. They didn't try to to exclude me, they just succeeded at it really well. Or maybe I didn't try hard enough to be part of the group.

Who knows, it doesn't matter. But I finally have the social life I've always wanted. People invite me to events. I'm on the inside. I don't really have words to express how huge a change this is for me. I'm happy, and I'm alive. I'm living.

Kill the Modem, Kill the computer, rant and rave

Over 2 weeks ago my modem died. As far as I can tell it was a painless process, the modem didn't suffer. It simply went to sleep and never woke up. Though I was grieved . . . no, the dumb thing quit getting power, and aggravated me to no end.

Not only did I have to replace the modem, but I had to replace an Ethernet card. The first one I bought didn't work. And meanwhile my brother is moving, and gave me a couple pieces of furniture, including a nice new desk. So, my whole Internet operation has been in upheaval.

But now we're on the new modem, new (working) ether card, and new desk!

Life has been spent going to all sorts of singles events. Tonight I've got a dinner that I'm going to. It will take me a few days to get back in the swing of posting.

Dance

Dance

I remember nervous Middle School dances where the guys congregated on one side of the room, and the girls on the other. There were one or two High School dances that were serious fun, everyone group dancing, just having a blast. And then I did go to a few clubs in my hey-day, but those were more nerve wracking that Middle School dances.

At first I avoided the singles Dances my church offers. I found excuses. I had my kids that evening, the dance was too far away, no one I knew would be going. But I’ve started having a good time at the Church Singles events. So last Sunday my Choir Director, Gary asked me if I was going to the Friday dance. He mentioned, it’s going to be 40’s style, swing music, come on, why don’t you go? I thought for a moment, and said, yeah, I’ll see if I can make it.

All week I researched what to wear. Spent hours finding out about the make-up and hair styles. Talked with my co-workers about what to do. I experimented with a few styles. By the time Friday rolled around I was very excited.

I made sure to arrive in time for the Dance class. I mean, for Pete’s sake, I danced as a Teenager, 15 years ago. Since then I’ve taken tons of Ballet, not that my body shows it. But my feet, and hands want to move for performance. The idea of a dance class sounded vital to me. And we have two Ballroom Dance instructors, who actually know what they are doing.

Gary sprinted in as instructions were just starting. Since he recognized me, he paired up to dance with me. I was shocked to realize just as how close you stand when you dance. I mean, I’ve watched other people dance, but to actually stand that close, that’s different. Gary was dressed out, the suspenders, short tie, and everything. He looked like he had just stepped straight out of the 40’s.

I have never had so much fun in my life. Gary and I danced one good swing number. We spun around the dance floor, grinning and laughing our heads off. His dance style was amazing, and with him leading, I felt like I could really dance.

Mind you, I didn’t dance with him all night, actually only danced two numbers with him. But dancing with Gary was probably the most fun. I grabbed a guy I know to dance a slow song I love. I got asked to dance a few times. And most of the time I danced with a group that I’m getting to know.

I love to dance! I love it, love it, love it! My cheeks hurt from smiling so much! It was simply fun!

Personality Lab

On Saturday I learned so much about my two kids. I had a chance to take both of them to a workshop.

My son has gone to multiple workshops since March. Gradually he has learned how to work a hammer. Reading directions is always my role. He finds the pieces, and I direct him on how to put it together. When he gets stuck, I help him. I straighten out the nails. Sometimes I even help hold the nail as he drives it in. But basically he gets to build.

He is a calm, serious child. He concentrates well, and can logically figure out how things go together. Once he’s working, he’s willing to take directions.

But on Saturday I had both children. He tried to guide his sister, but she was unwilling to accept his advice. I quickly informed him that he needed to pipe down. Mommy reads the directions, and the kids put it together. He tried to tell her how to hold a hammer, how to hold the nail and drive it in. Finally I whispered to him, Buddy, she wants to argue. So instead just be quiet and show her how to do it. After a while he did settle down.

My daughter was interested in proving herself as good as the other kids. She watched everyone around her, trying to see what they were doing. Instead of studying the pieces, she took her cues from the other people. When I tried to help her, she screamed at me. It was an awful mixture of “Help Me!” And “I can do it for myself!”

In the end, a father nearby stepped in, assuming I didn’t know what I was doing. (I kind of resented it.) He started each of the nails for her. Then she could see what to do, and do it for herself.

In this month with only my son, I have learned exactly how loving he is. He likes to snuggle up with me. His sister has occupied my lap for the last 6 years and this was his first chance. She is such a demonstrative kid, and that he was unwilling to compete with her cuteness factor. He will come up to me and cover my face with kisses. He likes to sit next to me. He strives to please me. Without his sister to distract him, he’ll happily take out the trash for me. There is no argument.

My daughter on the other hand whines about everything. She goes for the easy way out. If she thinks she can wiggle her way out of something she’ll work hard at it. Path of least resistance. She has learned to be cute, snuggle. She does it as a lazy way out of work. My son on the other hand will snuggle because he likes it, and he knows how much I like it. My daughter will sit on my lap in hopes that I will play with her hair, and rescue her from her chores.