Hebrews and Kids

Hebrews 10: 1-4
For the law having a shadow of good things to come, and not the very image of things, can never with those sacrifices which they offered year by year continually make the comers thereunto perfect. For then would they not have ceased to be offered? because that the worshippers once purged should have had no more conscience of sins. But in those sacrifices there is a remembrance again made of sins every year. For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins.

I read this passage sitting outside my kids room. And what came to mind what an incident that happened today. My son decided to steal my money jar. I made him give me back all the money, and then pay me back for the worry and upset he caused me. For is it not possible that the sweat of cleaning a bathroom, and roar of a vacuum cleaner should take away sins.

Wow, this passage really hit home in so many ways. The sacrifice of our actions can never put a sin right. But it does help us to let go of our guilt. Sacrifice is not for God, but for us. When my children know that they have "paid me back" they feel a sense of relief.

But the point of the law was to teach what sin is. And the point of paying back it to teach my children to make better choices. Leaving toys thru out the house is a bad choice, with consequence. But the point is not to teach them to pay me back, to clean a bathroom to pay back the energy that was taken from me when I had to pick up the toys. The point is to instill the voice in their head that says, it might be a good idea to clean up.

The point of the law is to direct our steps, show us what behavior is good, and what behavior is going to hurt us.

A terrible worry

This is the e-mail that I sent my lawyer. I'm just so upset by this whole incident, I don't want to write it all out again, it takes too much out of me.


I'm sure you remember the stunt my ex husband pulled in court last time, bringing up a scratch on my daughter's face as reason to for a psyche eval. Well, we had something happen last night, and I want to make sure he can't take this anywhere. The gyst of it is that my son dumped half a bottle of Drano on my daughter. She was taken to the ER. They only did observation there, no medication even applied.

Okay, how this happened. I had my babysitter over so we could go thru some things for the summer. We were discussing things in the front room while the children played in the bedroom. My son came repeatedly out to the front room trying to get my attention. Both children were antagonized by the fact that they didn't have my full attention. Here at home it's very rare that I'm not paying full attention to them. So they were trying to do things to get my attention. First my son strung thread all over the house. He got in trouble. Then he started beating his sister up, got in trouble again.

Finally, I heard them giggling in my bathroom. But the giggling turned to some screaming by my daughter. I went to see what it was. While my daughter was on the toilet, my son grabbed the bottle of Drano. It was sitting next to the sink because I had treated the sink the day before. He did not know what it was, and he proceeded to dump it over his sister. I believe his objective was to get her wet, make her scream, and get Mom's attention. Well, it worked.

She had burns on her arms, her upper thighs, down her legs, and even on the labia of her vagina. I followed the directions on the bottle, and put her in a bath of water and vinegar. My babysitter left in the middle of this to give me the space to work. I called my daughter's pediatrician and discussed the incident with her. The pediatrician said she really needed to go to the ER since she couldn't evaluate the severity of the burns.

I called my ex and told him quickly what had happened. I asked if he'd be willing to take our daughter to the ER. He agreed that he could do it, and came over quickly. I pulled her out of the bathtub and showed him where all her burns where.

My daughter repeatedly told him how it happened, in great detail. She told him how her brother picked it up, where he dumped, how it the drips of it ran down her body, how it felt. We dressed her and she went with her father to the Hospital.

I'm worried that my ex might use this to say I'm an unfit mother again. I'm worried he might call CPS on this. I know my daughter will say her brother did it, and I know my son will admit to doing it. The only thing I'm "guilty" of is not being in the same room with them, and leaving the Drano out in the open.

Another lovely morning

I woke up this morning to my son puking. He's not running a temperature, and says he's not sick. He says now that he's puked all the yucky stuff is out of his tummy.

He puked all over the carpet to. Looks like he leaned over the rail and just let it rip. So I also found out that my wet dry vac isn't working quite right. Believe me, finding that out at 5:30am when you are staring at a puke spot, that's not a good way to start a morning.

Living my religion

As I approach what I believe will be the end of my divorce, things are actually changing.

In preparation I've begun buying books about dating. I'm thinking about it, preparing myself. My goal is to get familiar with the dating scene around here first. Go to some singles events that our church offers. It will probably be 6 months before I will think about going on my first date. But I'm preparing myself mentally.

Anyway, my new stash of books has been a source of great delight at work. A few of the books are very comical in the way they present the information. One is even a comic book that didn't make it's way back to me. It got passed around the office today, to howls of laughter.

We have a wonderful, dynamic blond on our row who as decided she wants to be my dating mentor. She is under the mistaken assumption that I'm a naive, innocent girl. I've tried to reassure her that I really do understand alot about what I'm doing. But it makes no difference. She opposite of me in so many ways. She's a tanning queen who isn't quite sure what her natural color is, but it's blond now. The woman only wears high heels, and pink lipstick. Me, I stay out of the sun for fear of sunburns, and I'm embarrassed by the two times I did try to dye my hair.

But today we had a real interesting conversation. Basically she told me, she better not find out that I'm having pre-marital sex. She said she couldn't imagine me doing that, and it would destroy her image of who I am. I reassured her that I had even taken vows to that effect, that I would not engage in pre-marital sex. I was shocked that she was so relieved to find that out.

My religion and personal beliefs are something I keep quiet. I rarely share my testimony because it is something so precious to me. Obviously though, the way I live my life give other's a glimpse into my soul. They realize that I live in a different world than they do, that I might be removed from certain elements of the world. I'm funny, they expect zingers from me, and yet I get the question, Do you ever say anything bad about anyone?

I guess I'm just marveling that I'm truly living my religion, and people are noticing. They can see that I'm different. I joke, I have fun, I'm not a straight laced stuck in the mud, and my co-worker's know I'm in the world, but not of the world.

Father's time

My daughter got dropped off early. At 7:30 am I saw the car pull up with her. I was eating my cereal before church at the dining room table, and looked up to notice the car parked in front of our apartment. Soon that knock came on the door.

"She wanted to go to Church," was the explanation given.

I was surprised. I mean, my ex places alot of value on church, and it's normally his weak spot. I asked my daughter if she wanted to go choose a church dress, but she said no. She wanted her blankie. She went and curled up on her bed with her familiar blankie, sucking her thumb.

I guess my daughter has found her father's weak spot, too. I know this kid, and she's going thru a big testing phase right now. She's being a regular little pill, throwing temper tantrums, and refusing to do things. And she's learning all sorts of nasty things to say in an attempt to tattle on the adults around her. The babysitter said my daughter has been reporting that I didn't feed her breakfast. I laughed and said, no my daughter was sleeping thru breakfast, or simply playing at the table and refusing her food. The babysitter laughed and said, I knew it had to be something like that, but I wanted to let you know what she's saying.

So, all day at church, she was a regular little pill. I had to march her out of church for a corner twice. I hardly got her back in church, but she goes to dump my purse upside down. She was bent on frustrating me.

My daughter tested her father, she wanted to find out, does Daddy love me enough to set limits. Will Daddy reassure me that my time with him is safe no matter what happens? She wanted to know that Daddy values her, and will fight tooth and nail to spend time with her. Instead she found out that pleading to go to church will get Daddy to drop her off early. And she was not happy with that discovery.

Once we got home from church she would hardly leave my side. She wanted to reassure herself that I was really here. She spent alot of time cuddling with me, searching for that physical reassurance. But I can't feel the real gap, the reassurance of her father that he loves her and will be there for her.

Feet to the Fire

I finally got a chance to hold the kid’s feet to the fire, and boy did they squirm.

Tuesday night, Chick-Fil-A night! But the kids didn’t clean their room or get their homework done. Instead they ran around screaming and carrying on.

At 7pm I declared that I was going to Chick-Fil-A. They both corrected me, no, we’re going to Chick-Fil-A. I ordered them into the car and we took off. The whole way there they questioned me. They knew they were in trouble, but they thought maybe they were getting away with something.

“Try not to worry about it,” I said repeatedly. Basically it means the exact opposite. It means I’m not worried about this in the least, but you had better start doing some thinking real quick.

I pulled up to Chick-Fil-A and went thru the drive thru. That’s when the kids started to realize what was up. Some howls started to come up from the back seat. Two kids quickly said they were willing to go home and clean their room. They promised me the moon, trying to bribe their way inside the restaurant.

“But Mommy, we want to play with our friends!”

“Mommy, Ms. Laura is there, can’t we go do crafts.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said in a real calm quiet voice. “This is really said for you.”

And then things got a whole lot worse for them. Because the only person who ate from Chick-Fil-A tonight was me. The kids had to listen to me order, and watch me get my food. They cried in the backseat. And as we drove past Ms. Laura I suggested that they wave at her.

“She’ll be here next week,” I told them hopefully. Wow, that was some real sad crying coming from the backseat.

Needless to say, when we got home, there was some fast action on cleaning up the house and finishing the homework. I settled down and enjoyed my food in front of them, holding their feet to the fire, making sure they knew what they missed.

Once they got everything cleaned up, they each got some ravioli, and off to bed they went. Next week I want to bet they’ll get things done in very quick order. I’m sure this will be a motivating experience for them.

I'm not a victim

Being a victim is a terrible place to be. Your life is out of control, and things simply won’t settle down. You keep paying the consequences of someone else’s actions. Anger and frustration build. Anxiety rules the day. Each minute is spent in a nightmare of imagination, what else might go wrong in your life.

A friend of mine stated that half the reason my children act up is because of their father. I came down on him like a ton of bricks, saying I take full responsibility for my children’s actions. He laughed saying, yeah I kind of thought you would take that noble position.

Position? What position is there to take? I refuse to be a victim in my life. I have lived my days there, and I will not go back. I have taken the reigns of my life and refuse to relinquish them.

A victim is powerless to change the circumstances. A victim cannot control her children’s behavior.

So, I am a powerful woman, able to shape my children’s behavior. My children will be well-behaved, respectful people. It doesn’t matter what their father does or doesn’t do, I have taken control of the situation.